Cohabitation

Anastasia de Waal

Issue 385, vol.97, Spring 2008

Only 4% of cohabitations in the UK last more than 10 years – the average duration being 2 years. Half of these informal unions dissolve; half turn into marriage.

At one end of the scale are found co-habitees with ideological misgivings about marriage : but numbers here are small. At the other end of the scale are those who for one reason or another have ‘drifted’ into co-habitation. But – in between – the more typical co-habitees have marriage firmly in view : it is just that they wish to progress towards this ideal by way of incremental ‘rungs’ – the main ones being : first, moving together into rented accommodation; second, moving into a co-owned home.

The effect of this incremental approach contributes to the present later age of marriage. This at least means that couples are no longer rushing into marriage – so that any trend (such as co-habitation) which helps the slowing process cannot be all bad.

In the not too distant past, many women saw marriage as an institution which oppressed them. But marriage today is egalitarian. Also not so long ago, social norms demanded a wedding as a religious passage. But today 66% of British weddings are civil ceremonies. The net result has been to free the prospect of marriage from previous trammels – so that it is now something to aspire to.

The downside of all this is that the married state is now a luxury, economically beyond the reach of some – which accounts for much of that ‘drift’ into co-habitation. The break-up rate for all relationships is higher when the male’s earnings are low. And for couples co-habiting in this situation, the arrival of children is often a threat to the relationship rather than a stabilizer.

Of the children of married couples, 70% can expect to live til the age of 16 with both parents; but in the case of cohabiting parents, this expectation plunges to 36%.

In financially insecure working-class areas particularly (such as ‘depressed’ areas of Britain), the fall-out from a cohabiting relationship is often : a lone mother. She is of course no longer stigmatized – but she is as likely as not, to have no earned income and to be living on benefits (or to be working the jobs of two people).

We see, then, that cohabitation is not in competition with marriage. There is no challenge : marriage is the new ‘gold standard’. This means that those co-habiting are either ambitiously straining towards marriage – or finding that marital status will always be economically beyond them.

Anastasia de Waal is Head of the Education and Family Unit of Civitas, a UK-based think tank

This article is based on a lecture, sponsored by the Iona Institute, in Dublin on 14^th September 2007.